Well, it was either a man saying your name and laughing before starting a chainsaw or it was a lyrebird mimicking the sound of a man saying your name and laughing before starting a chainsaw. Lyrebirds are known for their extraordinary ability to replicate sounds that they hear.

As well as mimicking other birds, lyrebirds can mimic human speech, machinery and even explosions. Staggeringly, they can also play two tunes at the same time. They really are pretty incredible.

The bad news is that if a lyrebird was mimicking a man saying your name and laughing before starting a chainsaw, then it must have heard it somewhere…

It fucking is. That’s one above. It’s more penguin than macaroni, I’m not going to lie, but the name is genuine.

Apparently the name doesn’t come from the form of pasta. It was given to the penguin by kindly sailors in the 19th centurty who thought that it’s stupid yellow bits looked like some particular fashion of the day. That style was known as Maccaronism.

Macaroni penguins make trumpeting noises and eat krill. That’s not much different to other penguins, but I feel like I need to flesh this page out a bit. Also, chicks eat some of their own yolk shortly after they’re born. Nice.

Yes, it is. Honestly. It’s one of those Australian animals that you feel like you would have heard about if it had lived in Africa, but which is afforded a low profile through living in a barren land inhabited by sexists in vests.

They can grow to be 2m tall, can jump 1.5m into the air and they can’t fly. They have a big dagger claw in the middle of each foot and they use them to kick the shit out of people.

If you want to eat one, it is apparently quite tough. Aussie advice is to cook it with a stone in the pot.

“When the stone is ready to eat, so is the Cassowary.”