Archive for the ‘ Animals ’ Category
Awww. You’re cute. Look at your tiny little eyes and your sweet little nose. But why are you wearing a baseball cap? Come on; take it off….oh god! No! What the hell are those massive flaps poking out from the side of your head?!?!… That’s how I imagine my first meeting with a Jerboa; or a [ READ MORE ]
like pigs. And I like the sea. I do not, however, like Seapigs. I literally don’t even know where to begin with this creature, which apparently is a type of sea cucumber. Don’t question why, where or how; it just is alright? The only reasonable explanation is that God had finished making all the [ READ MORE ]
Seriously. What is the point? Well; turns out, there isn’t much of one actually. Because the Giant Soft-Shelled Turtle spends most of its time buried, lying completely still with only its nose and mouth sticking out of the sand. Brilliant. Their existence is so pathetic that I actually can’t be bothered to talk about it. [ READ MORE ]
‘Ooh, look at this frill necked dress. I might try it on.’ That is a sentence that I am happy to hear the words ‘frill necked’ in. I’m not so happy about ‘frill necked lizard’. Guess where this animal got its name? Go on, I bet you can’t. Because of its frilly neck you say? [ READ MORE ]
Turbellarians are a strange bunch, even for a species of flatworm. What makes them slightly odder than their other flatworm cousins is the fact that they’re all hermaphrodites who use their penises (of which they have two) as swords when they mate. In one of the most aggressive forms of mating I can recall, these horrible [ READ MORE ]
Oh wait. How embarrassing. I mixed up my holiday snaps with my Giant Leaf Tailed Gecko snaps. I hate it when that happens. Funny how they chose the vaguely leafy tail as the chief characteristic of this particular Gecko. Why not the Giant Raspberry Ripple Eyed Gecko, or the Massive Gobbed Acid Trip Gecko? I despair [ READ MORE ]
The pornographic version of Alien vs Predator didn’t come out at the cinema, probably because it involved a horrible scene resulting in the conception of this silver-eyed monstrosity. Actually, although it resembles Alien and Predator’s gruesome lovechild, this is just your run-of-the-mill giant isopod. The only difference between a giant isopod and the fruit of an [ READ MORE ]
No. It isn’t. Nor is it not one of those things that you’re supposed to twat with a mallet in Whack Attack – if you did that you’d be squashing one of the rarest kinds of octopus in the big blue sea, the Dumbo Octopus. Why Dumbo? No other reason than that biologists think it looks [ READ MORE ]
The Naked Mole Rat is also known as the Sand Puppy, but I’m yet to figure out why that is. This horrible rodent is straight out of a children’s horror story, being essentially just tooth and skin. Experts even say that the Naked Mole Rat doesn’t feel any pain, so good luck sending your cat after [ READ MORE ]
A hodag is a folkloric animal from America (Wisconsin). It was apparantly captured and killed by a infamous prankster who took this picture and circulated it around the press: It was named Hodag and was said to have: “the head of a frog, the grinning face of a giant elephant, thick short legs set off by huge [ READ MORE ]